My thoughts when asked for suggestions from newly pregnant mothers

Disclaimer: The following is not intended to be a bash against mothers who have chosen a different route than I. I am a firm believer that natural childbirth isn’t for everyone and I would never judge someone who chose to do things differently. These are my opinions based on both studies I have read and my personal experiences. Regardless how you choose to bring your blessing into the world, I rejoice for your growing family and gift from above.

I recently had a co-worker email me asking for hospital references as she is recently married and thinking about babies in her near future. She figured as a mother of five I would have the low-down on everything maternity. As it so happens, I am 11 weeks along with baby number six and struggling to decide on a location myself. My sister is also due the same week and I was surprised that around 9 weeks she already had her midwife and deliver location selected. She utilized the internet to find someone in her network with good reviews which is probably a pretty good route to go.

Anyway, the conversations got me thinking about what I wish someone had told me when I was expecting my first and knew nothing. I chose to stay with my family care doctor who also delivered babies and used the hospital he was affiliated with. I had a pretty standard first time delivery but if I could go back I wouldn’t do things the same. I delivered my second child in a military hospital with an OB in Mississippi. My third was with a civilian OB in a civilian hospital in Florida. My fourth was with a midwife in a birthing center (Mountain Midwifery Center – amazing and highly suggested to all). Due to insurance restricts I was unable to return to the birthing center and delivered my fifth by midwife at a hospital recommended by MMC. Now with my sixth I do not know where I want to go and here is why.

I wish I had been told that prenatal care is boring. There is nothing new or excited if everything is going as expected and you are a healthy woman. By the fourth child I found the monthly visit to be a pain in my butt and a hindrance to my schedule. Yes I’m feeling fine. No, I don’t have any questions. So this is exactly what I told my coworker. Prenatal care is pretty much the same. Find a location you like and work backwards to finding a provider you enjoy and supports your choices. And get a midwife not an OB.

Why am I so anti-OB you may ask? While I recognize there are perfectly lovely doctors out there delivering babies, I disagree with the entire doctor approach to pregnancy and delivery. I am not sick. I do not need a doctor. My body is doing something natural that it will do on its own with very little assistance from me. This is the view of a midwife. A midwife monitors and assists during labor and delivery helping a woman’s do what it is supposed to do. A midwife knows if and when there is something wrong or requires a doctor’s attention. Midwives have OB’s they partner with for the cases where medical intervention is necessary because sometimes it really is.

A certified nurse midwife holds master’s degree in midwifery. They are usually a nurse first with a bachelor’s degree and a few years as a nurse in a clinical setting before pursuing their midwifery degree. A CNM can prescribe medications including pain medication. Just like a doctor, they are licensed in all 50 states and insurance covers their care when you deliver in a hospital (some will cover all or part of birthing centers and mostly homebirths are not covered). Midwifes don’t just deliver babies. They can provide most forms of female care throughout your life including birth control choices like an IUD.

Why does it matter? It’s all about the experience. If you are more interested in just getting it done, then you probably haven’t continued reading my post anyway. Midwives take a patient-centered approach to pregnancy and birth. Appointments are longer in length as they really get to know you and your situation. They offer more emotional support and are more open to your choices for a birth plan. No midwife will ever encourage your to just lay on a bed and grit through the pain. They will help you move and express yourself in a fashion that assists movement of the baby. For example, did you know that high pitched screaming or whining is terrible while in labor? It closes your body up. Low pitched open throat moans on the other hand encourage your body to open itself up. For low-risk pregnancies, multiple studies found that midwife deliveries are much less likely to result in cesarean section. Epidurals are available through many midwives if you choose that route, but they will encourage more natural approaches to pain management that don’t risk you or your baby.

I had an epidural with my first child only. I fought through about 8 hours of labor on Pitocin before giving in and taking the epidural. I could still feel everything; it was just less sharp and focused pain. You can’t get up and use the restroom for hours afterwards without help or at all. My baby was lethargic and had some initial trouble latching to my breast. With my natural births, I was using the restroom unassisted immediately. My babies were alert and excited to nurse.

I am scheduled for a hospital tour tonight which I am partly dreading. I fear the typical “look how nice this facility is” sell. I personally don’t care if my room has a flat screen TV and a place for my husband to sleep and my own restroom. I can get that at any location. Yes the labor and delivery room here is huge…most of them are and I don’t really need all the space. Wow, the bed drops out the bottom and pops up stirrups for my feet to push…won’t be using that at all. In fact, my last two labors were not in a bed at all. I labored standing up for most of the time and even delivered my youngest in a standing position. It is not natural to deliver lying down and on your back is the worst. The birth canal and your pelvis gets pinched off and you are fighting gravity. If you want to see how we should be delivering, look at gorillas. They move around during labor but move into a squat for pushing and catching their baby. I delivered my fourth squatting in a birth tub catching him myself. When I delivered my fifth standing I also caught her (my midwife was behind me with her hands below mine so I wouldn’t drop her). These two positions were the most natural and I ended up in them of my own accord with no previous plan to be in that position. It just happened as I listened to my body and it worked better than any other positions I’ve ever delivered in.

So bottom line? Do your research. Read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. Learn about all your options. Prepare you basic birth plan and take the key parts with you to find a provider. If they are not willing to discuss your birth plan desires on the first visit, leave and find another. Be aware that you might change your mind once in labor, but having a provider that is willing to let you go how you feel is more important than I can state.

Am I really pregnant with baby #5?

I really should have started this earlier, but I am the full-time bread winner and my husband is the lucky stay at home parent. Being pregnant with baby 5 has been a blur for the most part. It almost doesn't feel real.

I think it may have something to do with the lack of preparation required this time around. With my 4th, it had been 4 years since the last pregnancy so I had a lot of stuff to pull out of storage and clean up and such. This time, Dominic will be 2 the same week we are due, so everything is already at the house, cleaned and ready to go. I need to grab the baby girl clothes from the storage unit, but they are already organized and I'm in no hurry as I have plenty of gender neutral newborn items in the house already.

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel less bonded with this baby since it doesn't feel real. I'm 33 weeks so we have lots of movement and it is getting difficult to sit, stand, walk, sleep, everything. But still. Even going to the hospital didn't really sink anything in for me (completely different post on the hospital situation to come later).

Getting Crafty -- The Bug's Gonna Get you!

I have always loved to craft. I discovered early that I love to create. I chalk it all up to my Grandmother (maternal side) who not only loved to create, but loved to create for others. When I was a child, nearly every visit with Grandma resulted in a finished piece of some sort. We crocheted, painted, and glued and pieced all sorts of things together. I still have two tiny little shirts she painted my name on when I was a toddler, Christmas ornaments made together still hang on my mother's tree, and the afghan she made every grandchild for their wedding covers my 5-year old daughter at night.

My personal crafting style has evolved over the years. When I was around 3rd grade we started 4-H and I did projects in painting, crocheting, sewing, and even cake decorating. I continued sewing in high school and ended up with some pretty awful dresses (summer dress in a horrid fish covered material) as well as some decent ones (including my junior prom dress). Since then I have sewn everything from quilts and clothing to home accents and Christmas gifts. I have painted paper, cloth, glass, and pottery.

I hit the scrap booking bug hard when I had my first child. I documented everything. With my husband active duty Navy, I had a lot of time on my hands. I made friends with someone who also loved to scrapbook. For about 4 years I did little else. Now that I work, and my husband is home raising the kids I don't have the pictures to scrap or the space...or the time.

Or do I? I went about 2 years with almost no crafts whatsoever. I was busy. I was working full time and going to school full time trying to finish up that elusive degree. My husband had left the military a couple years before so we didn't have that regular paycheck anymore. Crafting can be costly. I joined the Navy Reserve and now I also have a full time civilian position at a large company. My husband is home raising the kids and I'm holding down the financial side of life.

I was unhappy and I couldn't figure out why. I took a girl's day out to one of those paint your own pottery places and realized what was missing. Creating! Out of practice my creative juices seemed to have turned to sludge. I took some more time off, but then I went again...and again...and again. Slowly, the juices started flowing again.

I've got my kids started and love it too! With my son's birthday looming and a reoccurring request for a magic wand (Harry Potter fan) I found myself researching wand making. After some trial and error, I have made a pretty nice wand for his gift...and a few others just for the heck of it as well :-) I am working on a Lord of the Rings dish set piece by piece and just got my best idea back from firing.

It's Sauron's eye inside a Palantir...I'm such a nerd!

I realized that for me, crafting is like therapy. It can be expensive, but only as much as you make it, and certainly cheaper that a real therapist! Plus, seeing a therapist doesn't give you things to eat off of.

Seven and Three Quarters

I had an interesting thought today at work. When asked by a friend “how old are you again?” I replied, “almost 30” (almost being in November by the way). I have apparently been answering this way all year and didn’t think anything of it until pointed out to me. “Why would you answer older? Why wouldn’t you just say 29? I’d much rather be 29 than 30!”

Good question Heather, why do I that? So I’m thinking hard about why. I’ve had a lot  happen in the past 29 years, that it feels like much longer. Perhaps I can’t believe it’s only been 29 years I’ve been walking this earth and therefore must round up. Could it be a throwback to childhood when you reply “seven and three quarters” because those three quarters are very important to a child? It means that you are older than your friend who is ONLY seven and a half. I’ve said many times that I don’t really feel like a “grown-up” very often. But why don’t I?

I am the eldest of 7 children, one is also married the youngest is 13. I’ve always been the oldest with that crowd. I am usually the first one my siblings call for advice, a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen. I have been married for 8 years. We are expecting our fourth child in less than a month. Childbirth four times certainly qualifies for adulthood! Due to the mental restrictions of my husband I have always been the head of our family. I am in charge, I rule the roost, I know what I am doing…most of the time. I am an E5 in the Navy Reserves trusted with a wealth of knowledge and responsibility. My opinions and assessments are valued; my instructions are trusted and followed.

Yet I feel out of place with other parents at my boys’ school functions. I feel the need to be older than people at my mother’s group and even when I was boot camp. Perhaps in my mind age gives you credibility? I should know by now that age has nothing to do with it. Considering how many people I’ve known in various capacities throughout my life, this notion should not even exist.

I know August is terribly late to be making a new year’s resolution, but I’m going to anyway. When asked my age I will reply “29” until November 20^th when I will actually be 30. And I’m going to convince myself mentally that I am 29 as well.